Reflections and Thoughts of this guy's heart

Today's readings at Mass were awesome!  The second reading from the fifth chapter of Paul's letter to the Ephesians is the same second reading the wife and I used at our wedding.  In verse 25, Paul charges husbands to "love [their] wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her."  I wonder how well I have done this over the past four months.  To love another person as I love myself can be very difficult, especially when I sometimes have a hard time loving myself!  Of course, Paul reminds us later in the passage that he's referring to the great mystery of Christ's love for the Church.  Most days this makes me shake in my boots.  Those are big shoes to fill (two footwear references in a row, ha!).  I'm supposed to love as Christ loves?  That's crazy hard!  Christ died on the cross for us.  I fail at this more often than I succeed.  Just this afternoon I came home from the store with a list of things to do around the house before the wife got home from a meeting.  Completing even one or two items on the list would have been a small sacrifice that would have shown my wife I care for her and for our home.  What did I do instead?  Sat down and watched two episodes of Parks and Recreation and an episode of Psych.  What a waste of time!!  I was too tired to wash the dishes.  Going to Best Buy, the Dollar Store, and Sams wore me out and I could put the laundry in after one episode of Parks and Rec.  These are the excuses I told myself as I laid down on the couch and turned on the T.V.  Do you think any dishes got done this afternoon while she was at her meeting?  Do you think the laundry made it into the washer before she got home?  Guess what I did when she got home.  I took a nap.  Fail.  The life that Christ calls me to is not easy and I'm far from perfect.  Guess it's time to pick myself back up and try again.  After my nap, I did the dishes and we packed a few boxes (we plan on moving in the next couple of months).  I didn't tell her I was planning on doing these things while she was out.  She knows now, because she'll probably be the first to read this.  Hi honey! =]  But when we mess up, we pick ourselves up and we try, try again.

Why?  It's hard to keep trying over and over and over again.  It's a pain!  No one thinks it's fun to mess something up and have to start over again.  At least not anyone I know.  That brings us to the Gospel reading from today's Mass.  John tells us the disciples were grumbling (again).  "It's hard to follow all these rules!"  "How can we believe all that you tell us?"  Jesus had just finished preaching about His body and blood.  He literally told them to eat His flesh and drink His blood.  He gives us these gifts as the ultimate sacrifice for our salvation.  He calls us to give up our lives daily for the good of others.  John tell us all but twelve of his disciples walked away and didn't look back.  They just couldn't wrap their heads around it.  Jesus asks the twelve if they too want to leave Him.    Peter responds saying, "Master, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life.  We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God" (Jn 6:68-69).  This is what it's all about.  That's why I can get up and try again when I let others down.  I have lived a life outside of God's law.  I have sinned over and over again without any thought of what it did to me or those around me.  After living that life for years, I looked back and I didn't like what I saw.  I was unhappy and I didn't have real friends.  I wasn't real.  My life had become a lie.  When I moved to college, I got a fresh start.  I found genuinely faithful people and started real friendships.  I witnessed life with God in the people around me and it was appealing.  I started seeking God and turning away from sin.  I found peace and joy.  God continued sending people into my life to draw me closer to Him and to show me His plan for me.  I'm living the life He chose for me and there's no doubt in my mind about it – I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.  Am I going to mess up countless times?  Yes.  Will God still love me?  YES!  That's the reason I can move on when tough stuff happens.  That's what keeps me going when I have a hard day.  That's why I can choose believe in the "hard sayings" the Lord has for us.  Because at the end of the day, where else can I turn?  I want to get to Heaven!  Jesus has the words of eternal life.  I have come to believe and I am convinced that He is the Holy One of God.

Lord, give me the grace to love others as You love me.  Remind me daily of the call to lay my life down for my wife and help me to to joyfully embrace it.  Give me strength in my weakness to love her in the little things as well as the big things.  Show me how to lead her to holiness.  Remind me constantly that I am created in Your image and that I am perfect in Your sight.  Help me to look past the distractions of this world to see the beauty of Your truth.  Enlighten me when I have trouble accepting your "hard sayings."  Continue to bring men and women into my life who love you joyfully and live holy lives.  Give me the grace to persevere in the life you call me to, especially when I face temptation.  Open my eyes  more and more each day to see You.

Amen